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Monday, December 17, 2012

The Secret & The Tree, The Tao of Gizmo

The Tao of We

"Sometimes we are the secret, and sometimes we are the tree."

Moonrise Kingdom
I wrote this in a loose discussion prompted by Moonrise Kingdom in May. Sometimes we are the secret, and sometimes we are the tree. Moonrise Kingdom illustrates the case where we are both: the confidence and the confidant.

It jostles slightly that it was no tree after all. Memory failed. It was a portion of stone building in In the Mood for Love that I pulled the analogy from. But the idea remains: sometimes we are the secret, sometimes we are the tree.

Wong & Doyle mesmerize

Sometimes we are both. Sometimes we are neither. The aim is to eschew the cases where we are knowingly neither and knowingly don't want either to be.

A few months ago, I went into the ocean with someone wearing a Gizmo shirt. It made me want to go back and watch Gizmo in Gremlins, a movie I haven't seen in unknown years. After watching, it seemed apropos the person wearing the shirt was wearing the shirt--a genuinely good and honest person, and I wrote a friend about the Tao of Gizmo.

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

You Don't Want What You Want

The ones you don't want want you.
The ones you want, they may as well be mirages.

In the world of smoke and mirrors, it's hard to know or believe anything is real.

And increasingly, I live a delicate mix of grain of salt and faith in humanity. It seems a taxing way to carry on. Transitory, temporary, situational. But we trudge on.

We all trudge on. We make do, make happy, make life, make love. In some fashion or other. By some means or other.

Friends and acquaintances often tell me they want things they think they can't have. I interpret that as "you don't really want what you want" or "what you want isn't where you think you want." I started this ramble out of that, them, me and then came upon this NY Times post: You Probably Don't Care Enough About Your Goals.

The two sides of the coin:

"1) I want it badly, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there.
 2) I want it badly, but I don’t think it's possible."

Sunday, December 02, 2012

We Are The Champions

And the girls all say, "Doo, doo-doo . . ."

Feature* wrapped. Returns done. Two straight weeks with only a break for the holiday. Once the equipment was back on the Pana Hollywood receiving dock, I drove away and could only feel like singing "Walking on Sunshine" (by Katrina and the Waves).

Then Queen's "We Are The Champions" came on the radio and it felt like an anthem:

2nding two cameras, one almost always on slider, the other either on sticks, Steadi, or jib, and having just come off another show, being done did indeed feel victorious.
Select photos from set:

11:1 Zoom © 2012 Jennifer Anise

Friday, November 23, 2012

To All The Worlds I've Wubbed Before

"It's been a long time since I came around, been a long time but I'm back in town" . . .

Of my many lives of 2012, here are a few of the completed, brought to you.
On this Thanksgiving:

I give thanks to my DP Jeremy Royce, for his constancy. Here, the Hush Hush book finale trailer:

[2nd AC, RED Epic with Zeiss Super Speeds]

Or on USA Today.

I give thanks to Oliphant Films for flying me out to Wisconsin on a recommendation to work on this short for the Aparium Hotel Group:
[1st AC, RED Epic with Zeiss Ultra Primes]

Friday, September 21, 2012

Dis-Integrating | For the love of pancakes . . .

What am I doing here?

Paro Taktsang Monastery, Bhutan
Right now, I'd like to be here. Away from thought. Away from noise. Away from stimulus. Away from the world.

I just want to be. And do. I don't want to think. Ruminate. Digest.

Just act. Experience.

I want to go hike. My body tells me first I must eat. I want to be beyond all that. Those things that tie me to the form.

Integrating or disintegrating, I want to be outside of feeling inside.

And I ask myself: what am I doing here, in this space. With these words and these thoughts. Carved out in ether.

And the answer is always this:
Angkor Wat

Whether my secrets be held in by mud or not. Whether they be secrets at all.

Artist's struggle. Human struggle. This is life.

And I want to live. Not watch.
-|jaMMXIIcpy|- © Jn Anise 2012


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Change Is the Only Constant

Life is a constant embarrassment.

Bounce back and move on.

I just jaunted and returned from a short shoot in Wisconsin and have been having trouble taking care of basic life things. The mundane, the everyday. If it's not work, hiking, or analyzing, I'm not motivated. Laundry, mail, going to the bank, eating. I do them, but only after great force. I'm not generally an embarrassable type, but now constantly in my own head not adventuring, I can't help but feel embarrassed at ways I've acted, or rather, reacted in the recent past. Embarrassed by things I've felt. Embarrassed by my present inability to do regular life things. My friend, writer Steven Boone, sent this to me this morning in response to an existential conversation we've been having. Best example of the idea above.

Maestra Masina showing us the full gamut of life and emotion in these 6 minutes.

As Boone warns, IF you've never seen Fellini's *Notti di Cabiria*, DO NOT WATCH THIS CLIP now.

Grow or wallow. We all have a choice.
Rinse and repeat.

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." -Karen Kaiser Clark

"Change is the only constant." -Heraclitus
-|jaMMXIIcpy|- © Jn Anise 2012


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I Believe In You

Words I should have said last week but didn't.
I say them now.
In indelible internet ink.

I believe in you.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Touch Me Touch You

"Introverting is great, but . . ." started a text I sent today.

I've been extraversion-tearing since moving to LA. But this last month has been a(n) (needed) introspection bender. In-verting is my natural bent but one I've gotten away from for the sake of variety . . . and life advancement. It's hardly veiled that introversion is often looked upon as a disorder or a dysfunction in Western society.

Beach Days
© 2012 Jennifer Anise
Matter-of-factly, it isn't. Recharging from within--it's just another way of being.

At the same time, my aforementioned text ended with ". . . but I miss other humans." And that is not a contradiction.

When I (re)started this blog, I wasn't sure what it was going to be about. I try and tend to write generically, less personally. Because I don't want this to be a shiftless pool of sputterings from my inner world . . . or my bleeding heart erupting all over the place. I.e. Talking but not saying anything.

Friday, July 20, 2012

The End of E

Weeki Wachee spring, Florida
Toni Frissell, 1947, Public Domain

We were stories

We were stones
on a shoal

Ever floating, ever sinking
Under tide of our patrols
We were pieces
We were actors
We were wholes

Thursday, July 12, 2012

To Live & Fuck Up in LA

"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart." -Vincent van Gogh

I've been in LA nearly 9 months now. And it's been a good time: open, productive, inviting. I've loved LA. I love LA. It took 3 visits to stick, but it feels like home. And during these 9 months, I have made an unseemly number of blunders. One after another. My time in LA has essentially been a long series of wonder and fuck-ups layered together.

9 months: a dense, condensed fish bowl experience of "normal" time. Almost like a college "year." Slightly unreal but also full of the hard lessons--the ones you need to learn.

I have made mistakes on the job, with friends, with others, and mostly with myself.

On the Wall
© 2012 Jennifer Anise
And that's life for you. Missteps. Good times. Change. Growth. Recognizing your hindering patterns. Deciding to change (them).
I've mentally chalked these 9 months as a gestation period, in the hopes that I'm about to emerge fully (re-)formed. An Athena springing forth from Zeus's head. Jennifer 3.0.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Full Disclosure: I Edit

I have said (to people who've met me) that I am more of a storyframer than a storywriter. I can see what's lacking or superfluous in a framework, but I'm not generally the story creator or originator. I am a thread finder, a beat meter. I see patterns and paths, consequences, trajectories. I sense rhythm. This is what makes me a good editor. I edit by nature.

Given that, part of why I don't like to publish things is because I am inclined to edit what I have created. After some time has passed and your spirit has changed, it's hard not to want to tinker. I've long been one to walk away and not revisit what I've created in the past because of this. Immutable makes me uncomfortable. Scrutiny can be never-ending.

So, as a disclaimer, I *have* recently edited a few of the early posts here because I simply never liked them. [I'm still on the fence about several others, but I've forced myself not to reread. The past is the past.] For the sake of transparency, there was a full disclosure of the few edits below, but I can't imagine who'd need to know or see that. This will likely not be repeated. [But if it is, I will again note it.]


Edited to add: I am aware that every edit republishes a post for newsreader readers. All I can say to that is "Sorry."

Monday, July 02, 2012

Cocooning & Why I Write

"Be silent, or say something better than silence." -Pythagoras

It often takes me eons to write something, from idea to tangible product, because writing like editing, I find all-consuming. It takes a lot to get to a space of wanting to formally write, to compile and effuse, to revisit the past when trying to live in the present.1 Sometimes, the inspiration is lost before it can be explored. In effect, those tableaux are abandoned.

It is always there though. It's in my nature and in my blood. I could quite literally write all day, every day. I have favored staying busy with work and the outside world to counter that sort of eternal internal existence. I made a choice. *I* had to choose.

Malibu Paddle Surfing
© 2012 Jennifer Anise
But it remains. It is always there, lingering. The need to write. The sense of obligation, to myself, to get it out. For me.

So, while I continue to mull over this misfit love exposition I've been ruminating on for 6 weeks, I've discovered reinforcement in aphorisms. Culled here (mostly from tinybuddha) and related to things I have written before.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

You're Not Like Other Girls

On set last week, one very young man said with a twinge of awe upon meeting me, "You're the first girl AC I've ever seen." This slightly shocked me but also didn't. Often I am the only non-Hair/Makeup/Wardrobe female in the crew [Supplementary article1]. Often I'm at first mistaken for HMU, Cast, or Crafty, even with a full bag of obvious gear and cargo pants. People see what they want to see.

Women In Film Forum 2008
I'm not a terribly large or robust person, so once we get past that hiccup, the next stage is being asked if I'm okay to lift whatever item I have to lift as part of my job. At times it seems people are hesitant to venture whether I know anything at all (maybe I'm just there because I had on the cutest pants). Yes, crew, I can do what you do. No, I'm not like what you think the "other girls" you typically see on set are like.

Friday, April 06, 2012

"See this film because they can't"

"14,600 days in solitary" is a provocative title, so when I saw this as the subject of an e-mail, I had to read it. Amnesty International's always sending stories about human rights struggles in distant (from me) lands. It didn't occur to me that this story would be about prisoners in the U.S., in Louisiana, a state I grew up in.

6' x 9' Angola solitary cell drawn by Herman Wallace
as appeared in ZMag's 2008 "Resistance at Angola State Prison"
I had never heard of these men and also not much of Angola. And with the seed of interest planted, I am now anxious to see the 2010 documentary by Vadim Jean on this topic, the Angola 3, in solitary confinement1 since 1972, narrated by no less than Samuel L. Jackson, In the Land of the Free....

I could write more, but I would need more background to do so (N.B. the few relevant articles: BBC, PRI, some mention in Solitary Watch). And while the documentary's tagline says "See this film because they can't," it seems I too cannot see this film anywhere in the U.S. There is an all-around dearth of U.S. media publication on this at present.