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Friday, September 21, 2012

Dis-Integrating | For the love of pancakes . . .

What am I doing here?

Paro Taktsang Monastery, Bhutan
Right now, I'd like to be here. Away from thought. Away from noise. Away from stimulus. Away from the world.

I just want to be. And do. I don't want to think. Ruminate. Digest.

Just act. Experience.

I want to go hike. My body tells me first I must eat. I want to be beyond all that. Those things that tie me to the form.

Integrating or disintegrating, I want to be outside of feeling inside.

And I ask myself: what am I doing here, in this space. With these words and these thoughts. Carved out in ether.

And the answer is always this:
Angkor Wat

Whether my secrets be held in by mud or not. Whether they be secrets at all.

Artist's struggle. Human struggle. This is life.

And I want to live. Not watch.
-|jaMMXIIcpy|- © Jn Anise 2012


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Change Is the Only Constant

Life is a constant embarrassment.

Bounce back and move on.

I just jaunted and returned from a short shoot in Wisconsin and have been having trouble taking care of basic life things. The mundane, the everyday. If it's not work, hiking, or analyzing, I'm not motivated. Laundry, mail, going to the bank, eating. I do them, but only after great force. I'm not generally an embarrassable type, but now constantly in my own head not adventuring, I can't help but feel embarrassed at ways I've acted, or rather, reacted in the recent past. Embarrassed by things I've felt. Embarrassed by my present inability to do regular life things. My friend, writer Steven Boone, sent this to me this morning in response to an existential conversation we've been having. Best example of the idea above.

Maestra Masina showing us the full gamut of life and emotion in these 6 minutes.

As Boone warns, IF you've never seen Fellini's *Notti di Cabiria*, DO NOT WATCH THIS CLIP now.

Grow or wallow. We all have a choice.
Rinse and repeat.

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." -Karen Kaiser Clark

"Change is the only constant." -Heraclitus
-|jaMMXIIcpy|- © Jn Anise 2012