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Showing posts with label cocooning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cocooning. Show all posts

Thursday, July 12, 2012

To Live & Fuck Up in LA

"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart." -Vincent van Gogh

I've been in LA nearly 9 months now. And it's been a good time: open, productive, inviting. I've loved LA. I love LA. It took 3 visits to stick, but it feels like home. And during these 9 months, I have made an unseemly number of blunders. One after another. My time in LA has essentially been a long series of wonder and fuck-ups layered together.

9 months: a dense, condensed fish bowl experience of "normal" time. Almost like a college "year." Slightly unreal but also full of the hard lessons--the ones you need to learn.

I have made mistakes on the job, with friends, with others, and mostly with myself.

On the Wall
© 2012 Jennifer Anise
And that's life for you. Missteps. Good times. Change. Growth. Recognizing your hindering patterns. Deciding to change (them).
I've mentally chalked these 9 months as a gestation period, in the hopes that I'm about to emerge fully (re-)formed. An Athena springing forth from Zeus's head. Jennifer 3.0.

Monday, July 02, 2012

Cocooning & Why I Write

"Be silent, or say something better than silence." -Pythagoras

It often takes me eons to write something, from idea to tangible product, because writing like editing, I find all-consuming. It takes a lot to get to a space of wanting to formally write, to compile and effuse, to revisit the past when trying to live in the present.1 Sometimes, the inspiration is lost before it can be explored. In effect, those tableaux are abandoned.

It is always there though. It's in my nature and in my blood. I could quite literally write all day, every day. I have favored staying busy with work and the outside world to counter that sort of eternal internal existence. I made a choice. *I* had to choose.

Malibu Paddle Surfing
© 2012 Jennifer Anise
But it remains. It is always there, lingering. The need to write. The sense of obligation, to myself, to get it out. For me.

So, while I continue to mull over this misfit love exposition I've been ruminating on for 6 weeks, I've discovered reinforcement in aphorisms. Culled here (mostly from tinybuddha) and related to things I have written before.